Tof talkin'

First things first.

I am not Katrina. My name is Christopher (also known as 'topher) and I will be your guest author for today.

Who is this Christopher? How does he know Katrina? Why does he think he can write a blog post?

Christopher is me. I met Katrina through AOL, when meeting people through the internets was "Dangerous" and AOL was actually a thing. (Who remembers being excited when they heard "You got Mail" before we all got too cynical to realize all we had was SPAM, or to think that the girl who was writing to say she had a crush on you, click here for more- might REALLY be a girl who you'd contacted through a chat room somehow, so even though you knew probably you clicked anyway and... yep, porn. ) When all is said and done AOL brought me two things, Katrina and my wife Katie; so it was good for something.

That means I've known Katrina for 13 years. So, when she puts out a Facebook post and says.. "Somebody write a blog post for me" I am more than happy to answer the call!!
Truth be told, I've gotten into a lot of trouble on Katrina's Facebook wall. Currently I'm entrenched in, what I call "The Five Dollar Thread" Wherein Katrina put a post on her wall saying that the last to comment gets $5. That original post was September 15th. The thread is still ongoing.

First of all, the amount of time I have spent over this thread is well and above what any adult man should have spent earning five bucks. Keep in mind, that while I'm at work I earn $5 roughly every 10 minutes. So, is there a good reason I spend time strategizing how to keep people disinterested in this thread? How to scare away my competition? I spend hours each night with my phone at my side, so I can immediately post something witty or sarcastic when somebody posts a comment; but really I just want to be "last"? I tell people I'm going to bed, but then compulsively check my phone so I can sleep soundly knowing that I was "Last"? The answer is yes. I want that $5. I NEED that $5. This isn't a contest for $5, this is a contest of internet savvy, will power and stamina. So, if that means I have to spend 3 straight days talking about nothing but cheesecake to chase away somebody who believes Cheesecake is "gross" then so be it. This really happened, I even wrote cheesecake Haiku:

Combine all your cheese
with heavy and sour cream
behold the cheesecake

When this didn't work I literally spent three days posting nothing but repeats of what my youthful competition posted. I'm not proud.

My efforts seem to have gone for naught so far. As the target seems undaunted. (This is why she's my biggest competition! There has to be a way to make her disinterested, I will find it!) And Katrina seems happy to reinvite people who have "lost track of the thread" making my work even harder. Despite all this, in 5 years, with hours of planning and 148,693 posts later, I'll have my five dollars!